Have you seen the "realistic" preemie doll by Ashton-Drake????

Dear Parents of Premature children,

I read the translated letter that Michele so amazingly and eloquently presented for us to review...and I found myself at a loss for words. To lose a child, any child, no matter the gestational age is a loss that is reflected in every act that we ever perform thereafter. It is in how we smile at strangers...how we hold our children...how we comfort someone...how we face a new day...how we plan for the future...how we express ourself creatively...and this loss becomes a basic part of who we are as parents and people.

It reminds me that often times there is more to a story than we know at the time. This artistic woman and her husband have suffered a tremendous loss that is reflected in how they choose to live their lives. They only create something that comforts them on days that their loss hurts too much...it is something real and tangible that they can touch and view...an eternal baby...that will never grow up...a link to the past...a pause from their suffering...

It seems this family, all the way across the world, has become victims too of the Ashoton Drake company. This family, that has lost so much, has become a pawn in a global idolization of money.

They create a doll because it makes them feel like parents. Their creation is shipped to Ashton Drake, and this company markets it in any fashion that will bring them the biggest paycheck. The family is not really concerned with what Ashton Drake does, because their private interpretation of their beloved dead child is on the shelves and in the homes of many families who will love the doll. What joy that doll brings to families who really do not understand prematurity!

And then across the world we are here on SHARE, parents of preemies who are outraged that this doll exists. That the matter of prematurity has so blantently and uncaringly been promotionalized and exaggerated to the point that a chubby, beautiful doll is what the general public will see and know about prematurity. We have our own wounds...our own suffering...and this doll just pours salt into those wounds...we are a community of angry parents who advocate on behalf of our children, volunteer for the March of Dimes, and donate money to any cause that helps premature children live a better life.

So then there are still a few things that are very clear to me. 1.) apparently everyone agrees that no one would want to buy a doll that truly depicts what a premature child would look like...it is not pleasing to look at or think about... 2.) Ashton Drake has an ethical and moral responsibility to change what this doll represents...3.) Little Grace, can grace shelves of Ashton Drake stores for the end of time...BUT they need to come up with another promotional scheme to market this little beauty 4.)This doll was born out of love...and is now under attack...for the sake of the family who created her, I want her to stay...but I want her to exist as a doll that we all can love the idea of, surely Ashton Drakes articulate and creative marketing department can make up a better story for why the public should buy this doll.

Best Wishes, Melissa Middleton (mom of 25 wk'r quads. Alex *deceased*, Ben, Callie, and Donovan:20 months)

I am shocked by this company, but as said above, not necessarily surprised anymore. I just received my response from the company, from a Donald James. Essentially, they are sorry our feelings were hurt, but a lot of money was spent on test marketing it and advertising it so they can't change anything at this point (ie, they won't change anything because they don't want t lose money). I think they test marketed the wrong group of people. I don't think it would have taken much research to Google prematurity, come up with the March of Dimes, and talk to them about the ramifications of selling a doll like this. Anyway, according to Mr. James, a portion of the proceeds from each doll sold in the US will be donated to MOD (I just wonder what portion).

I wrote to Mr. James. Will you please post his response online? I am eager to read it in its entirity. *sigh*

I just checked on the website and noticed that Little Grace's title now says "May God Bless you, Little Grace, lifelife baby doll". It used to say "...lifelike preemie doll". HOWEVER, when you click on her she still has the same marketing. Preemie this, preemie that, blah blah blah. I wonder why they changed one and not the other? Hmmmmmm.....

I have relations in Belgium, and will try to get them to translate my (our?) feelings into Flemmish more accurately. We want to be sure we're not causing this woman and her husabnd any undue pain.

I guess I'd want to say that I feel for them and their loss, however long ago it might be. The people that are writing in to them and are angry, are doing so because they still hurt. We, as a group, don't want people to go through the pain that we did. We also don't want anybody to take lightly that same pain. Sometimes it feels like this doll, through it's marketing, is making people take prematurity less seriously than they should.

I guess that's about it. I'll keep you all posted as to what I hear back from Belgium.

I WROTE A LETTER TO THE COMPANY ABOUT A WEEK OR SO AGO , AND NO ONE WROTE BACK! HOW RUDE THEY ARE. WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IS WHO IS BUYING THIS "SO CALLED PREEMIE?" THEY NEED TO CHANGE THE NAME ALREADY! JUST NEED ONCE AGAIN TO VOICE MY THOUGHTS! THANK YOU SHACARM.

Here's the response.

Dear Ms. Stahl:

Thank you for your letter of Feb 2 expressing your conern about our "Little Grace" doll. My name is Donald James, and I am the General Manager of the Ashton-Drake Galleries, the company who is marketing this doll. Mr. Rich Tinberg passed on your letter to me.

Allow me to begin by saying how badly we all feel that this little vinyl baby doll has stirred up this resentment. It was never our intent to offend anyone. As a father of three relatively healthy children, I am in no position to fully understand the suffering and angst that parents of severely premature babies go through. The Grace doll was not meant to bring back unpleasant feelings, and I am sorry that it has.
The Grace doll is one of several realistic baby and child dolls in our line. The market tests we conducted last year suggested that this doll would be well recieved in the marketplace, and therefore we purchased a great deal of advertising, running through the first half of 2005. Commitments for these placements are made months in advance and cannot be changed at this point. The dolls themselves are in production and shipping to customers this month. So there is not much we can do at this point to stop the wheels from turning.

We can however, learn from this incident by taking action on recommendations made by many who have contacted us. Ashton-Drake will donate a portion of the proceeds from each doll sold in the US to the March of Dimes toward their effort to combat the causes of premature birth.

Once again, I appreciate your comments and concerns, and apologize for any distress this has caused.

Sincerely,

Donald James

Sorry for any typos. I have no scanner, so typed it in quick.

Kathleen

Hi,

Well that is something. I am glad that you shared the letter that Ashton Drake sent to you, Kathleen. Perhaps this is the very best we are going to get out of them at this point. If it is true, at least the company is donating to MOD in the name of little grace.

We did not get everything we wanted, but maybe we got something that in the long run will be beneficial to preemie infants currently in the NICU...or will be in the future. Also, we the parents, the MOD, and professionals from NICU's are still the strongest face and advocacy group of how the public understands prematurity. We do make a difference.

Melissa Middleton

I have to agree with Melissa on this one, preemies in the future will benefit .
Of course they weren't going to stop making the doll, but hopefully they will hold to their statement and donate a portion to MOD.

I guess our work for this challenge is done. On to the next one...ready everyone!?!?!?

Karri

I also received a letter from the General Manager (Donald James), that was the same as the one posted. I think it's great that they've said they would donate a portion of the proceeds to MOD, but I would like to know for sure that they have. Does anyone know whether or not there is a way to find that out? (Obviously not now, but later...) I am planning to write another letter to Ashton Drake expressing my concerns about this, but I doubt they will give me the information. (I could be wrong, I suppose) I just want to know that this wasn't said to simply calm we angry parents down....I want to know that this ACTUALLY helped. Anyway, any suggestions?? Maybe asking MOD to let us know?

Hi, everyone: This is Pam from the March of Dimes. Just wanted to let you know that we have begun discussions with Ashton-Drake and will report back to all of you as soon as we can. This has taken place because so many of you expressed your strong and heartfelt concerns to the company.

Best wishes.

I feel VICTORIOUS! This is awesome. Please keep us posted, Pam, on what becomes of this. We would all like to see the company make amends.

I'm doing the happy dance!

As I said our voice can make a difference! I feel like we could move moutains right now!

Happy Feet!
Karri

I too have written to the Ashton-Drake Co.. Strength in Numbers ya know.. It was really hard for me to see the doll on the website. I'm a mom of a 25weeker, Connor, that we lost after about a day and a half. The doll did not represent what I have seen to be a preemie by any means. I was greatly disgusted. After reading the letter from the artist and his wife I feel for them of course, but if their baby was born at full-term, why make a preemie baby? I dunno... the world is confusing. Especially when they are more worried about losing their precious money, what about our precious babies? And how can the respond and say it is a celebration of life? what about me and all the other mothers and fathers that don't get to celebrate?
~Kathryn

Hi Michele...

Thanks for digging deeper. I too feel empathy for Hugo and Tinneke and do not feel that it was their intent to offend anyone....they simply created a beautiful baby to honor the child they lost. I think the ownership of responsibility lays in the $$$ hands of Ashton Drakes who marketed it as a "preemie'! I sent an e-mail to Stossel and got the response they would forward it on. Let's see what happens. As always the trooper...thanks again! Perhaps we can send a letter to Hugo and Tinneke to express our sympathy for their loss and to not make them feel like they are under a "personal" attack from any of us. The loss of a child is always hurtful regardless of whether they are a preemie or not....so send them big hugs from us!

Read the previous posts.....I'm doing the happy dance too!

Brenda & Benjamin

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story is exactly why this doll is NOT a celebration of life for a preemie. From my interpretation, the artist who created "Little Grace" didn't make her as a preemie baby. She simply made a baby doll. Ashton-Drake decided it would be marketed as a "preemie".
Not that it makes any of us feel better, but I rest easier knowing her creator made Grace with love; intended as a baby doll meant to represent health and vitality, not preterm birth and suffering. Thanks so much for writing a letter for our children. ~hugs~

Kathleen,
How wonderful of you! Just think of how many babies will be saved because of what you did. How great is that?

CHEERS TO YOU !!! That letter was great, and brought tears to my eyes (i have to stop reading this site at work!) I too wrote a letter and got the standard blah blah back to me too, it's truly and outrage that they continue to make this doll, real it certainly is NOT, my daughters skin never wrinkled or dimpled and now at age two she's still tiny, she weighs what my nephews weight at barely a year!!! I have so many friends who are preemie moms of kids who were 2 lbs and very very ill, Hopefully MOD can get through to them, we'll keep trying and maybe they will cease.

Keep smiling

Sue
Mom of Kendall 33 wker 3 lbs 3 oz.

I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS COMPANY CAN EVEN MARKET THIS DOLL AS A PREEMIE. MY SON WAS A 34 WEEKER HE WAS SO THIN AND TINY 3PDS 10OZ. THE DAY HE CAME HOME HE DID NOT EVEN HAVE ANY FAT ON HIM. TODAY HE IS A HEALTHY 18 POUND 8 MONTH OLD WHO WANTS TO EAT EVERYTHING THOUGH HE HAS NO TEETH YET. THESE COMPANIES NEED TO GET A CLUE AND REALIZE SOME THINGS.

Hi all

I'm going to combine the two Ashton Drake discussion threads (into this one) so they will all be in one place. It may feel weird just after I do, but then everyone can find the information in one place!

I also went to the website yesterday when I read that this company was marketing a preemie doll. My letter spoke volumes!!! I am completely disgusted by "the manner in which they are trying to make a buck". I told them that I was going to send the website to the NICU my children were born so that the doctors and nurses could see the way in which they depict what a preemie looks like. I am a mom of a 1 # 6 ounce ex-31 weeker and a 2 # 11 ounce ex-34 weeker. Both boys IUGR, and NEC. My second son passed away after 3 weeks due to complications from NEC. My first son came home at 3 # 13 ounces and has NEVER had a bit of fat on his body despite the high calorie diet we give him. He is now 5 years old. They should be completely ashamed of themselves!!! I am sure we will all hear something soon since there have been so many complaints! Well, lets hope so.
Nicole
Reece, 31 weeker, Hudson, 34 weeker, our angel in heaven

Hi, this is Pam at the March of Dimes, one of the moderators for the SHARE site. The March of Dimes shares your concerns about the preemie doll currently being advertised by Ashton-Drake. Just wanted to let you know that the March of Dimes will also be sending a letter to the company. The moderators will keep you posted.

Best wishes to all of you and thank you so much for your participation in SHARE. As I have said to some of you, your stories and your love for your children are an inspiration to us.

Pam

I wrote to John Stossel as well. If you go to the ABCNews website and look around there is a window just for John Stossel. I clicked on emails to John Stossel. No reply form him however. I have also gotten a bunch of friends and family to write the company letters. A co-worker of mine suggested finding out who gives out the award of excellence and maybe write to them as well. I think it is such a sad situation that a company cares more about money than offending a group of parents that have seen their children go through so much in the beginning of their lives. Even if they would just change the name of the baby to a newborn instead of a preemie. It is just very bad taste! Shame on them!
Nicole

Nicole,

It is so funny that you should say that about the doll award. After a Google search turned up not much, I emailed another site involved in giving or getting the award and just got a response yesterday: the phone number is 1-800-331-0038. I haven't called yet. I think it is a good idea to email John Stossel, and I will send him one too. The more the merrier.

Kathleen Stahl

Hello.

I forgot that there are two boards talking about the same thing,and got mixed up.Here is what I posted on the other board.

I also wrote to them,but they never responded to my eamil at all.I see that you were asking about the ones who give awards to these dolls.Well,I was looking through the site,trying to see where else I can write,and came across this where Ashton-Drake has the line of "Truly Real" dolls up for sale.

Maybe we can find something out about these people.I hope it hel[s a bit,I am getting tired of the lame response that they keep sending us as well.That last response teeters in between stupidty,ignorance,and just plain cruel.

Like Melissa said,what does willingness mean to them.I have other friends whose preemie babies,nieces and so on fought so hard only to have their poor bodies just give out,their bodies just weren't strong enough,but that doesn't mean that they weren't fighting hard enough,I feel that they were and still are the bravest to endure all that has happened to them.

Unfortunately,the Ashton-Drake company just wants to justify this reclkless creation of a doll no matter how lame they sound.They just want that $130.00 a doll plus shipping and handling.But hopefully all these emails will make them think before they come up with something stupid again.Anyways,I hope that these magazines can help.Take care.

Deborah,Mom to Eleanor~Rose
Ex 27 weeker,now 5 years old.

Baby Emily has won the Dolls Award of Excellence sponsored by Doll Magazine, the DOTY award, sponsored by Doll Reader Magazine, and she has also won the NALED Doll of the Year.

I saw that doll too. And it made me sick and angry.

I also sent a letter to the company and they responded very quickly to my letter outlining the fact that this baby does not represent the preemies born today...that they understand but thought that preemies need love too??? What the heck does that mean? The doll certainly looks alot bigger and healthier than my daughter did at 33 weeks and 3 lbs! Thanks MOD for sending a letter too!!!

Will you please copy and paste the response here so we can see it? I am keeping track of all the brilliant canned responses POPs are getting from Ashton-Drake.

Thanks!

Hey all, I am going to combine this thread with the other Ashton Tate doll thread. I wanted to let you know! Then everything will be in one place.

Hey All,

I was checking out the Baby Grace Doll site(don't ask me why,just always curious)and I noticed that they chnaged her title.

It now states that baby Grace is the most life like Early Arrivals Doll ever.The where it used to say that a Preemie was a beautiful sight to behold,it now says that a Early Arrivals Baby is a beautiful sight to behod.

I wonder what happened?Do any of the moderators know anything.And because they changed her title does that mean that the Ashton-Drake Doll company is not going to honor thier promise to donate a portion of all dolls sold in the US to the MOD?It's very curious.

While I am happy that they revised the title somewhat,I'm still upset how they gave us all the typical sugar coated BS that they continued to send to everyone who wrote to them(except for me,they never responded to me)and then after stating that because of all the time,and money invested into this doll,they couldn't stop the wheels of progress from tunring.Now all of a sudden they changed her title.What gives?

I hope that something can be found out.

Deborah&Eleanor~Rose