Kaydence Marie

Kaydence's Mommy - 04:58pm May 3, 2005 EST

The end of December I found out I was prego. Yea it took my boy friend and I a while to take that in and get use to. We had our first doctor appointment January 17th. IT was confirmed we were, the doctor though didn't think we were as far a long as I was. Said I was measuring smaller. That night we told everyone that didn't already know. That we were expecting. It was very hard to tell everyone. I knew some people would be over excited, and some would be disappointed. But everyone would be excited in the end. Next appointment came Feb 17. Everything was still going well. I was told I should have a easy pregnancy because I appeared to be in perfect health besides the minor infection I had, but was told nothing med's couldn't fix. No harm to baby. The doctor gave me the forms to go and get a ultra sound done. To find out how far I was. We did that the following week. My Boy friend and I went to the the appointment for the ultra sound and everything was perfect. The baby measured to be 18 weeks... right on with my period. The nurse was not able to give us the sex of the baby but she said if she were to take a guess she would say a girl. Which didn't excite the boy friend. he was hoping for that boy!So after the appointment we called everyone and told them that everything was still going fine... No worries... My next appointment was March 21st. Everything was still perfect. I had only gained 13 pounds, and I was just starting to show in my Clothes... Didn't really Feel the baby moving. But he wasn't concerned. He said I was still early. Well March 27th was Easter. The one and only time I got to wear a maternity shirt. We all went to church, hung out at my dads, went to my moms, and then to my boy friends moms house. During the day I had some light pains every once in a while. Nothing I thought was wrong. Being a first time mom, I thought the baby was laying on something, or maybe it was a kick. And I didn't tell anyone about the pains, because I didn't want to sound like a weakling. Now I regret that. We had a great day. through the night I had some pains that woke me up, I did a few things and went back to sleep. For only an hour..I suddenly woke up in fear I was going to pee, when I stood up there was a gush.... I ran to the bathroom and there was alot of blood. I mean ALOT. I instantly called my mom(who was at work) she called the doctor, while i called the boy friend, he immediately came over. I at this point i had started crying. he came and picked me up and we headed to the emergency room. we arrived at 113o.With my pains getting stronger and closer. In the emergency room,I was asked why I was there, and when I told her I was bleeding really bad and that i was pregnancy and only 22 weeks she just looked at me, like i was making it up, she pulled me in to this room and said pull down your pants. In complete embarrassment i did this. She said oh its not that that bad, as almost to shake it off, that i didn't know what alot was. Well she sent me to triage to be checked. In registration( i had to sit and wait for 10 mins till some one was ready) i was told to sit and get registered, i said to the lady that if i sit i might get blood on your chair and she told me i could stand. SO there i stood registering. When i go put in triage i was given an ultra sound and everything looked perfect. we were under the impression that everything was fine. No nurses would believe how much blood. I mean it was so much. This whole time i was still having those pains and no nurse seemed to care about those either. I was hooked up to monitors to check for contractions but i guess they didn't think they were strong enough, or maybe they weren't reading. Well a nurse came and did an internal, but there was to much blood to do anything so unknowingly i was rushed to labor and delivery where i ended up being fully dilated and the baby was ready to come. So there i lay with my contractions coming more and more. There were so many nurses and a doctor in the room that when they all talked to me i didn't want to talk back. I almost didn't want to hear what they had to say. the NICU nurse that was going to take care of my baby didn't speak good english, not that i have anything against people that speak bad English, but when your in panic and pain you don't want to have to concentrate on what shes saying. She also wasn't very nice, basically told me because the baby was only 22weeks that she wasn't going to try her hardest to help her. Which made me mad... and i tried to insist... and so she said she would see... how do you tell some one there is no hope.... does she have no heart or what. well At 218 March 28th, our baby girl came in to the world Feet first. She was taken to the little bed in the corner and im not all sure how much they tried. after some time(which i was unaware she was still living, was under the impression that she didn't make it more then 5 mins) she was brought over. She had the tiniest hat on she was all wrapped up, she was beautiful. At 3:05 she went to heaven to be with our loved ones there. Her lungs weren't developed enough, and she wasn't able to make it here with us. I don't understand if she was able to live 47 mins by her self, why weren't the nurses and doctors able to help her live forever. I just don't understand. We Named her Kaydence Marie. She was so beautiful. Only weighed 1lb and was 10 and 3/4 inches long. They Put her in a little crochet dressed and she had the smallest hat. I had lost my little baby, and no one had a reason to give me. At 730 that night i was told i could leave, and there i was walking out of the hospital. With no baby. I just wanted to help aware everyone that even young healthy women can have pre mature labor. It can happen to anyone.

Even though my day was a night mare.... it was a dream to have kaydence for the short time that we did... She is forever in our hearts.