NICU Grief Baskets

Sharlene,

I can tell this topic is dear to your heart. You are entirely too sweet to step on my toes with malice. Besides, you did not step on my toes at all! My toes are fine! You simply stated your opinion. That is what I LOVE for SHARE members to do...

Right now my problem is this simple: I cannot afford to put cameras in every basket...so it comes down to an angel pin or a camera. UGH! I wish I could be lucky enough to win the lottery....I would certainly put that money to very good use!

Thanks of all of the suggestions!

Hugs,

Melissa

Thanks Melissa, this topic is very dear to me. I've always wanted to do something like you're doing, but unfortunately my finances don't allow it right now. I keep prayin' for some big cash to come my way for this, but I guess if I wanna win the lotto I gotta play it!!

You are a great lady!! Thanks for doing what you are doing in honor of your three munchkins, Ben, Donovan, & Callie & in memory of your angel, Alex. God bless you!!

monkey hugs to the Middleton clan for having a mom who's so terrific!!
Sharlene

I've been hesistant to talk about something because it is a senstitive topic - religion / spirituality. But --- here goes.

I am a Unitarian Universalist and appreciate all forms of faith. I learn from and often agree with people who are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, Atheist, Humanist, etc. I understand that not everyone believes there is a God and that not everyone thinks there is a heaven. I understand that some people might believe that religious faith is solely responsible for healing a sick child while others will say that it was purely science and medicine. I am bringing this up because I think that when we put together these wonderful NICU baskets we should remember that not every parent is a Theist (although likely most are). Not every parent believes his/her child's spirit moves on to heaven (although likely most do). Of course, all parents deserve comfort after the birth of a premature child! I would hate to have a parent receive something in the basket that would cause discomfort as it is at odds with their belief system. Some would say this sensitivity is Political Correctness gone amuck. I would disagree.

Thanks for listening.
Lori

Lori,

Certainly I agree that all who practice specific faiths or who choose to be unaffiliated with a faith should be given respect and dignity. After all...we are all people with feelings, thoughts, ideas, and perceptions about our world. I could not agree with you more...and respect your thoughts and feelings on this very important issue.

However, I personally feel like the angel pins in the grief baskets are a personal touch that will create a feeling of being with the child when the wearer chooses to wear the pin. Certainly my feelings will not be hurt if the pin is given away...or put into a drawer.... however, this pin is jewelry.

I have 2 necklaces that I was given by family members after Alex died...and they mean a great deal to me. I could have cared less what affiliation the necklace was (though it was a baby and a heart, not a faith affiliation) But just wearing this helps me remember my sweet boy in a special way.

These pin are relatively inexpensive.. and just sends a message that while you cannot go home with your baby... we can at least send you home with something. Perhaps even call it something owned by your child...and placed in a memory box.

I know wonderful people who are Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Morman, and Muslim. What is in a person's heart is far greater in importance to me than their religious affliation.

This angel pin is simply a way of saying, "I care about you in my own special way...and hope that you will accept something special from me...to help you thorugh this difficult time."

Thanks,

Melissa Middleton

Thanks for your response to my post, Melissa.

Personally, *I* don't think the angel pin would bother people (although I could be wrong). I also received a sterling silver angel that went into Owen's isolette. I think an angel is an icon that could be assigned many meanings by people from many faith traditions.

I guess the items that I thought people might think of putting in a grief basket that might be inappropriate would be poems, stories, books, literature that assume that the reader (parent) believes in God or alligns him/herself with a particular religious figure (Christ, Buddha, etc.) or ideology.

Best -
Lori

Certainly you have made some very good points, Lori. My baskets actually do not contain any poems, stories, book, and literature that are religious. I stuffed a lot of March of Dimes information in the baskets though.

Parents seem to go one way or another when they believe in God and then their child dies...Some become much more pro-God and hang onto their faith with both hands....and some people become very angry with God for taking away their precious child. Either way, how that person is feeling about their religious inclinations is personal, and really part of the grief process.

I am Catholic. I became very irritated when the church pastor came to pray with my family right before Alex died. It had nothing to do with her faith or with God...but the fact that she was saying things that indicated to me she was very inexperienced or uncomfortable with child death. Frankly, I sighed in relief when she finally decided to leave us in peace!

You are absolutely right....parents should be comforted at this time...and not be given things that will create more anxiety and tension in their already heavily burdened lives.

Hugs,

melissa

Hey Melissa -

That is really too bad that the pastor who came to help your family caused discomfort (unintentionally, of course). I have to admit, I think talking to loved ones about a child's death must be the most difficult task clergy have to take on. How compassionate, practiced, and skilled a communicator he/she must be to really comfort a parent.

I'm sure NICU nurses and doctors have seen some spiritual transformations in the NICU. I imagine they see parents coming to terms and struggling with their faith quite often. Because some (many?) doctors and nurses likely give credit to the science of neonatology (rather than any spiritual intervention), the spiritual side of things is left to the parent and perhaps a member of the clergy.

At the time of Owen's birth there was not a minister at my Unitarian Universalist Fellowship but word got to a UU fellowship near the NICU and one of the ministers contacted us and we were able to talk with her if we needed to. Luckily, people in my congregation are so awesome they all met any ministerial needs we had!

Anyway - I'm glad we chatted about this topic (what to put in a grief basket). You are so kind to create those!!

Best -
Lori

Lori,

You brought up some very good topics that really should be examined when people make these baskets. Absolutely, your input is very much appreciated by me...and by others who intend to make these baskets.

Yes, I can only imagine how difficult it would be to be a hospital minister who is called upon to pray with a family, whose child is dying...it truly is a calling...and sometimes, the hospital minister is the ONLY person outside the doctors or nurses who tend to these broken hearted parents. It is important that they quickly become good at dealing with grief issues, if they intend to work in a hospital setting. Grief is all over the place in hospitals....I think that is why most people LOVE the baby floor. There is usually life and happiness there.

Thanks,

Melissa

Dear SHARE Friends,

I also included in my grief baskets a list of what one must do to set up memorial service/funeral arrangements for their child. Lots of times, this is the first experience parents have with this...and they are at a loss as what to do next....not to mention grief can cloud the mind.

I know this topic is uncomfortable...but what do you think should be included in such a letter. Please, I would really appreciate your input and discussion about this very difficult subject.

Hugs,

Melissa

would say for them to do what was comfortable for them, when my daughter Sydney died I looked at her memorial as if this was my only chance to say hello and goodbye. (these were my personal wishes) I bought her this cake for the wake that was the most beautiful cake it was pink with purple drops on it and a personalized saying. The cake was wedding cake style and cost alot but i didnt care this was her cake. My point in the long story is if there is food you want for the wake get the food you want. If catering is not an option ask a relative to call friends and family to get a pot luck going. If you can not afford a service at a funeral home do it at your home and ask your pastor to facilitate for you. You may want to include a letter for what friends and familys can do to help and list things like DO NOT minimize the lost or say it was for the best. Maybe friends or family can babysit or cook meals for the family. I hope this was helpful not the best format but these things were helpful for me

Alexandria

The thing I wish I would've thought of for George Daniel's service was music - they played whatever but never asked what I wanted - there was a certain song I liked but it didn't cross my mind at the time.

I don't really remember much else about that day - it's still a blur after 7 years - mental block of a place I can't revisit often!

Sharlene

Melissa,

Greenville, one of the pilot sites for NICU Family Support, developed the bereavement module for the program. There is lots of good information that was developed from that. I will see what I can get my hands on!

One of the coolest things, I think, besides the beautiful keepsake boxes was 2 packets...one packet of information needed immediately with exactly what you are talking about here, and one packet for later, when they have had time to process what has happened.

Let me see if I can get anything for you!

Hugs and amazed by your strength and courage!
Michele

Michele,

Thank you so MUCH! Your packets of information will be so appreciated! Since a wonderful team of people/professionals have already researched and weighed what the packets contain.. .and of course, you have endorsed it... then I have compete faith that this is exactly what I am looking for....!

Thanks also to Sharlene and Alexandria for your responses. As always, wonderful suggestions that I will take to heart!

Hugs,

Melissa

Melissa,

As always, FOUR THUMBS up to you (Ben and Me)! There is not much more to add to the wonderful list of great ideas given to you here on SHARE. I just wanted to say the thought of just giving a parent something that acknowledges their childs life and their loss is a valuable gift in itself......and there will be one unseen gift in the basket that will be the most memorable.....the HEARTs that put it together!!!

Thanks for all that you do!

Brenda & Benjamin (34 weeker born 12/24/99 with NEC)

Melissa

I think what you are doing with the baskets are wonderful. I feel anyone experiencing a premature birth with good or bad results would welcome the comfort that you are trying to do for them. I just wish that I had something like this when I lost my first son and had my third son prematurely. Keep up the good work.

Hugs,

Elizabeth B.

Hi,
I am a college student at Michigan State University. I volunteered at the Mother/Baby Unit this fall at our local hospital and I would like to continue to be involved in the promotion of health for babies. How can I do these baskets for my local hospitals and pregnancy centers?
Thank you!
Catie

I am sure that you can probably find someone to join up with in your area. Posting on here might help you find someone. You can also try calling your chapter office. Michigan Chapter Offices Hopefully they will be able to put you in touch with someone. Thank you so much for your interest. I can't tell you enough how much these baskets and items are appreciated.

Dear Catie,

How wonderful that you feel inspired to help babies have a healthier chance.

Under this heading: NICU Grief Baskets .... You will find many suggestions of what to put into these baskets, how to put them together, and where to take them.

You'll also find ways to fund this project. You could write a March of Dimes small community grant ... You could get local schools involved to collect certain items .... You could sell MOD beanies from Plushland ... Or organize a business to sell The World's Finest Chocolate ... There are always ways to make funds available for a project like this .... And certainly, there are always good citizens like you who are very willing to help!

I divided my baskets into 3 different categories: Welcome to the NICU, Grief, and Bedrest... Each basket should contain much of the same items ... But also items that are only appropriate for the *specific* category.

I doubt your MOD office knows much about this project...As this was a grassroots project .... Not one affiliated with the March of Dimes. However, many volunteers across the country *have* put together these baskets on *behalf* of the March of Dimes.

Inside every basket ... I put information *you CAN get this from your MOD office* that provided educational components to for the specific categories. For example: bed rest baskets may contain cards that tell the signs of pre-term labor and the importance of folic acid ..... A Welcome Basket may contain information about NICU vocabulary .... A Grief Basket may explain the stages of grief. All valuable information to the recipient of the basket.

You can contact hospitals and high risk doctor offices ... Ask them to store the baskets and give them as needed.....

There is so much one can do when tackling a project like this one.

Thanks so much for your interest!

Warmly,

Melissa

Hi everyone-I am not sure if someone already did this but I did and have sent this email to not only fuji film but to Kodak as well!

Dear Fuji Film,
I am hoping that this email gets to where I need it to. My name is Tana Bralski I am from Norristown, PA (right outside Philadelphia). The reason I am writing to you is that I am a member of the March of Dimes "share your story" website. The March of Dimes is devoted to help families whom have given birth to premature babies and to help those. I am one of those parents My little girl was born 23 weeks premature, My little girl Katherine Taylor "Katie" died 12 days later. One of the discussions on the site was about "welcome and Grief Baskets" one person mentioned that it would be wonderful if a company would donate cameras for such a basket for NICU units at different hospitals. Because of the unfortunate timing of a preemie, most families have yet to pack their " hospital bag".That is where you come in, I am hoping that you can direct me to the correct person to maybe help with donating cameras for NICU units. My little Katie was at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, If one of the staff members didnt have thier digital camera with them the day that Katie passed I would never have had a picture of me finally holding my little angel for the first and last time. Please help me and many of the other families that go through this unfortunate and tragic experience everyday .
Thank you so much
Tana Bralski
Norristown, PA

Melissa-

Please get in contact with me. I really want to do these NICU baskets in my local hospitals as well. I have many questions on how you want this done. Thank you.

Sarah
sschmizel@sbcglobal.net

I WOULD LIKE TO BE INVOLVED BUT DON'T KNOW HOW. PLEASE HELP

please contact me. I would love to get involved with this in my area and local NICU. Please feel free to contact me by phone or email.

Thanks
   Cindi
   (Mom of Gabriel, born at 30 weeks)
   Nightinggale2007@yahoo.com

(phone number deleted)

Dear Interested Volunteers .....

How wonderful that you feel inspired to help babies have a healthier chance.

Under this heading: NICU Grief Baskets .... You will find many suggestions of what to put into these baskets, how to put them together, and where to take them.

You'll also find ways to fund this project. You could write a March of Dimes small community grant ... You could get local schools involved to collect certain items .... You could sell MOD beanies from Plushland ... Or organize a business to sell The World's Finest Chocolate ... There are always ways to make funds available for a project like this .... And certainly, there are always good citizens like you who are very willing to help!

I divided my baskets into 3 different categories: Welcome to the NICU, Grief, and Bedrest... Each basket should contain much of the same items ... But also items that are only appropriate for the *specific* category.

I doubt your MOD office knows much about this project...As this was a grassroots project .... Not one affiliated with the March of Dimes. However, many volunteers across the country *have* put together these baskets on *behalf* of the March of Dimes.

Inside every basket ... I put information *you CAN get this from your MOD office* that provided educational components to for the specific categories. For example: bed rest baskets may contain cards that tell the signs of pre-term labor and the importance of folic acid ..... A Welcome Basket may contain information about NICU vocabulary .... A Grief Basket may explain the stages of grief. All valuable information to the recipient of the basket.

You can contact hospitals and high risk doctor offices ... Ask them to store the baskets and give them as needed.....

There is so much one can do when tackling a project like this one.

Thanks so much for your interest!

Warmly,

Melissa

I know of a company that sell disposable cameras in bulk , I believe the most affordable cameras they sell are like $1.75 a piece sor for 100 cameras you'll spend $140.00 of something like that also, you may want to ask for donations from other Share members to help make these baskets, I would be happy to help when I can. Hopefully this info helps you some the web site for the cameras is http://www.ecamerafilms.com

Bless you and your loved ones!