In Memory of Ethan

Ethan102205 - 03:36am Dec 13, 2005 EST

We found out about Ethan about a week before my husband and I were married. (I was about 5 weeks along.) We were so excited! We had got engaged in February, getting married in June and had a baby due in late January! I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy. I threw up maybe three times the entire time. We went to an ultrasound in August and found out he was a boy. Then September 26th, I went to the perinatal doctor (I had chronic hypertension.) Perfect ultrasound. 15 ounces. He had the hiccups and was quite the little showoff. Then September 30th (22 weeks), I was getting ready for work and at 7:30am, while I was using the rest room, my water broke. We rushed to the maternal obs at the hospital. Ethan was fine, surprising to the doctors. I was put on bed rest at home until I reached 24 weeks, then I was checked into the hospital. I was there until Ethan was born on October 22nd. That was the happiest day of my life and the scariest! The doctors had said that if he was born before 28 weeks, the outcome would not be good. Little Ethan, weighing only 1 pound 11.5 ounces, was a beautiful baby boy. He had chest tubes because his little lungs had collapsed during resuscitation, an IV in his arm and in his belly button, a central line, and he was on an oscillator vent. He was being kept alive artificially, but he was here. Then at 4 days old, he had to have surgery for NEC. They only had to take out a half inch of the intestine and he had to have a colostomy bag. Then on Halloween, we found out he had a yeast infection in his blood from the intestinal surgery. He finally started feeds and was doing well with his weight gain. He still couldn't breathe on his own but the doctor wasn't too concerned yet. He kept saying that he expected things to be worse and just wait for him to gain weight. On November 14th I got to hold him. It was a very special thing. He was still so tiny. Then December 2nd, Ethan joined the 3 pound club! He got moved to a different room in the unit and wearing clothes! Its funny to be so excited about your baby wearing clothes. Then, on Sunday the 4th, I called to check on Ethan. The doctor said he had 20 ml of residual in his tummy but that they would wait and see what happened. About an hour later the doctor called back and said that he had done an x-ray and that there was an obstruction near the stoma. He said this happened sometimes and that they had called the surgeon at the children's hospital next door. My husband and I got to the hospital around 2pm and waited around to talk the doctors. Ethan did not look good. His belly was very distended, he was pale and lethargic, and his little hands were cold. Around six the doctor came by and tried to dislodge the obstruction with a catheter. That didn't work. Then around 8pm, things started going crazy. Ethan's blood sugar shot up to 341 and had to be given insulin 3 times in about an hour. His oxygen saturation wasn't being read correctly because his blood profusion wasn't good. The nurses finally got him settled. The surgeon finally showed up at 10pm. He said the same thing, that they would do a contrast dye and that they might do surgery this week or they would just let the bowels rest. He called for an x-ray. We went to the family lounge to get a cup of coffee while they did the x-ray. A nurse came and got us saying that they needed us. The surgeon said we were going to surgery. He had read the x-ray and there was air in his abdomen. He had a perforation like before. It took another 2 hours to get him stable enough to transfer to the children's hospital. We figured the surgery was like before. Actually, we were hopeful that they would just go ahead and put the intestines back together. We called our families and they met us at the other hospital. About 12:30, Ethan's doctor came out and told us to sit down. He said that they opened him up and all the intestines were dead. That it had actually killed part of the stomach and that it was just a matter of time. All they could do was sew him up. It felt like someone had hit me in the stomach. I couldn't breathe. The walk back over was a blur. We went to his bedside and everyone got to hold him. Most for the first time and the last. Then we had everyone leave. His breathing was getting more labored and some green liquid had started coming out of his mouth. He had opened his eyes but you could tell it wasn't him. Ethan just had a blank, fixed stare. It wasn't him. I held him as they pulled out the breathing tube. I couldn't let my little man suffer anymore. He passed away Monday, December 5, 2005 at 4:10 am. My little angel has gone to be our Guardian Angel now. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. But there are no needles, no nurses, no blood gas sticks in Heaven. I know he is better there, I just wish he were here.

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