Lost our Baby Girl 22w 6d - Incompetent Cervix

Landon's mom,

I just wanted to say hi and welcome you to SHARE. I just became part of this community myself. I've lost my son at 22 weeks 6 days. I went into premature labor and he died during delivery. The long version of my story is on this website, if you put my name in the search engine box. Anyway, it's not even about me. All of us have similar stories, our pains are all the same.

I really hope you find support, comfort and encouragement on this site and that I can be your (online) friend in this horrible time. For me it has been almost a month ago, and you know what.. the rawness wears of the emotions after a while. The pain and emptiness and loneliness stay for a long time.

Anytime you want to talk, cry, scream... I'll be here. I am getting a little hooked on this site. For better and for worse. But I will be checking in with you!

Jessica (www.whazzup.typepad.com/moving_on/)

Leslie, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little Kailey. I too, just lost my son four weeks ago at 18 weeks, so I share your pain and heartbreak. I have no words to replace what you've lost, but I hope it helps you a tiny bit to know that we all care and I am praying for you.

Please continue to write and post here. I was really hesitant at first to really join this community, but I can tell you honestly it has helped me so much just to write down my feelings and receive support from other women who truely understand my loss. I hope you are also able to find comfort and healing at SHARE.

With love,
Kristi

Any words are just useless right now. Your pain will never fade, but you will just learn to live with it! I am really sorry for what has happened to you... I know and I understand. Four years ago I lost my baby boy at 22 weeks and 6 days. Ten days before that I arrived at the hospital bleeding. The doctors discovered I was already dilatated and with the membranes protruding. Next day I got an emergency cerclage, but the infection, which was already there, but well hidden, didn't allow me to continue the pregnancy more than 10 days. three months after losing our baby boy I found miself pregnant again. at 23 weeks I lost my plug and got again an emergency cerclage. This time I spent 7 weeks in hospital in bed rest, with bathroom privileges and one shower a day. At week 30 I was allowed to go home, where I have een in modified bed rest until week 35, when I gave birth to my baby girl Alix. She was small and we spent about ten days in NICU, just to make sure she gains weight. She is doing great now and in few days she will turn 3. Now I am in modified bed rest again. I had the cerclage done in week 18, I spent one night in the hospital and then sent home. Since the cerclage I had contractions every single day, with few exceptions, but apparently they don't do anything to my cervix, which remains at 4.5cm length. Now I am in week 25+3 and counting.
I wish you good luck and try to belive that next pregnancy will go well. Although it is a very controversial procedure, it works in many cases.
A

Dear A - Congratulations on your baby girl Alix and on your new pregnancy. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy; it has been only 4wks since we lost our little girl and I am having a rough time with it.
Please keep visiting us during your pregnancy to let us know how you and baby are doing.
Becky

Welcome to Share. I am very sorry for your loss of Kailey.

Like Kara, I would suggest meeting with a Perinatologist (high-risk OB) before you become pregnant again, so you can determine the best course of action.

During my pregnancy caring triplets, I appeared fine until 21 weeks, at which point I needed to have an emergency cerclauge. It was considered emergency, because most cerclauges are placed before 16 weeks. At the time, I was our only option. It bought me a few more weeks, at 25 weeks one of the water sacs broke and several days later our boys were born.

If your Peri is suggesting a cerclauge, I would certainly do it. You may want to look into the ab. type too, I don't know much about that kind. A regular cerc. is painless (under a spinal) and does not take too long. If I'd known then what I know now, I would have looked into one with our triplets, long before I needed one.

My thoughts are with you as you consider another pregnancy, I know it is a hard and confusing decision.

-Shonda

My cousin had previously had two miscarriages early on and then had become pregnant once again with a little boy, she also lost him at around 23 weeks along. also due to an incompetent cervix. When she became pregnant again they did cerclage. She was on bed rest most of her pregnancy from beginning to end, she was only able to get up to use the bathroom and she even layed down in the car on the way to doctor's appointments. It was not easy and a long pregnancy but everything turned out great. Although her daughter was still born prematurley, she made it through her pregnancy and without cerclage, she would never been able to bring a pregnancy to term. Her daughter is now 3 1/2 and perfect! I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you do not give up your dream for a child, it will happen.

I AM SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH THIS DON'T BE AFRAID TO TRY AGAIN YOU CAN DO IT I WILL PRAY FOR YOU.YOUR SO STRONG AND GOD IS WITH YOU

BE ENCOURAGED

Leslie,

I went through a similiar situation as you four weeks ago. I had my little boy, Cohen, early because of my incompetent cervix. He was 26 weeks 1 day. He was transported to a hospital about 45 minutes away and was in the NICU for 18 days. He had kidney failure and the doctors told me there was no hope for my little boy. He passed away on October 11th.

My doctor told me about the procedure that would be done next time. I do not know anyone personally that has had this procedure, but I have heard stories of it being successful.

I know there are no words that can describe the heartache you feel with the loss of your baby girl, but please know that there are other people who have been through similiar situations and that we are here for you. Another little boy was burried right beside of Cohen the day after his funeral. I spoke with his mother and she told me to always remember that at night my child is shining down on me. There is also a great book that someone bought for me called, "Mommy Please Don't Cry." Sometimes its helpful for me to read that.

I'm praying for you!

I was only 17 years old when I lost my daughter at 22 weeks. I was at work (standing a lot) and started to feel something pressing on my bladder. I didn't know what was going on. The bag of water was hour-glasssing out (as I later came to understand). I went home and layed down. I remember I could barely walk up the stairs. My girlfriend came over and drove me to the hospital. When I got to the emergency room I was dialated 5 cm. It took 18 hours from the time I got to the hospital, but my bags of water ended up breaking and I went into labor delivering my daughter the next afternoon. That was nine years ago and I can honestly say it is still the most painful experience of my life. My body produced milk. Physically and emotionally my body told me I was a mother but my arms were empty. Not to mention all the things I had bought for the baby just sitting there in the corner...at the time it just seemed like a cruel joke nature was playing with my heart. I know all about this intense pain... just like all the other women who have shared their stories on this board. I was a teenager at the time, and yes, life would have been so much harder for me had she survived, but I've never once considered her loss a blessing in disguise (as some uneducated people in my life have cruelly pointed out). I am now 26 years old, a college graduate and 10 weeks pregnant. Of course I am terrified, especially since I am swiftly approaching the danger period (the second trimester) but I am also very excited and optimistic. I have read a lot about cervical cerclage and it's success. I am hoping that it will work for me this time around. There is nothing more I want than to be a mother. My doctor has also mentioned that there is one other measure I could do to keep my baby inside longer and that is with weekly progesterone shots starting at week 16. According to my doctor, this has worked for her high-risk patients in preventing preterm labor. For this pregnancy I will be treated for both incompetant cervix and preterm labor with a cerclage and weekly progesterone shots. I just wanted to cover all the bases. I have my next doctor appointment tomarrow and we will discuss the date of my cerclage and I have other questions of course.

I will be sure to keep everyone updated on my progess. I know how it can be. Ever since the loss of my daughter I have been obsessed with finding stories similar to my own so that in some odd way I could gauge the chances of having a successful pregnancy in the future. I pray for all of the mothers out there who have lost their children. Even though your baby is in heaven, you are a mother. You will never be the same or envision the world like you did before your baby. These angels soften our hearts and change us forever & please, don't for one second think that God has foresaken your pain. Prayers and having hope is the only thing that got me through the pain. If there was no God than what would become of our little angels? Please have faith. Life is full of heartache, and as awful as it sounds, your spirit will be wiser and stronger. No one is immune from suffering...the reward for your pain is spiritual growth and wisdom. You will never forget your loss although the pain eases up over time. I think of my daughter every single day. She has changed a lot about the way I think and taught me a great deal about compassion for others. I never thought I would have the courage to get pregnant again, but I've always hoped I would be a mom. For some reason God has decided to bless me and give me another shot. It has been nine years and I'm going to do this again. Please pray for me. I am thinking of all of you.

Love,

CC

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son Cohen. Words can not fully describe the pain and heartache you are feeling. But please know that we are here for you as you grieve your son. Just know that we are only a message away, and someone is always here to listen. This wonderful community, these wonderful people have been here through the most devastating and darkest hours of my life. SHARE and the March of Dimes is now very much a large part of my life. My angel girls, your angel Cohen and all our SHARE angels will always be remembered here.
I have found that telling my girls story and starting a blog (an online journal) here at SHARE has helped me in the beginning stages to healing. Please visit us often, and let us know how you and your family are doing.
We welcome you to SHARE with open arms and open hearts.
HUGS & healing thoughts sent your way,
Colleen
Mom to one earth angel
Gradon McKenzie 11/18/98-38 weeks gestation
Two heavnely angels
Gabrielle Lynn 12/7/05-22 weeks gestation
Abigail MArie 8/1/06-19 weeks gestation

Dear CC - thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl, and your right, it wasn't a "blessing in disguise" as some have said to you. No matter our age, loosing a child is the single hardest thing any person will ever face. I lost my sweet daughter at 17.4wks on Sept 10; I am still struggleing daily with my grief.

Congratulations on your new pregnancy; I am praying for you to have a LONG BORING 9mths. I am going to recommend to you that you check out the "Currently Creating A Miracle?" thread under the Parent to Parent tab (at the top of the screen). There are many pregnant women there who all have different stories of previous pregnancies, inc loss. It was a help to me while I was pregnant with my little girl.

Pls keep visiting us here on Share; we are here to support you, listen to you and just be here when you need us. I hope to hear from you soon...
Becky

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious little baby. August 17, 2006 is a very bad day around SHARE. I delivered my little boy Mac on that day (he had passed 2 weeks earlier however at 17+ weeks) & Colleen gave birth to Abby on that date as well. I had come to SHARE infrequently before that because my 4th was borna t 26 weeks but since we lost Mac I come here way too much & it has been such a big help. Please keep coming here for the support. It helps a lot.

Becky

Becky,

Thanks for the welcome. It is much appreciated. I have a doctor's appointment today and plan on visiting this board with updates.

Love,

CC

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. No one can even begin to imagine the pain unless they have experienced it. I cannot tell you how to get over it as I am trying to figure that out for myself. I just seem to be getting worse. I opted not to have a cerclage as my doctor said its risky. She said studies had been done that showed it often caused infection because its foreign to the body. Instead, she monitored me weekly via vaginal ultrasound. My cervix never did open, so that was not our problem. No one knows why my water broke. I almost think I would feel better if I knew the reason so that I could take precautions if there is a next time for us. I have a friend who had an incompetent cervix and she now has three beautiful children. She was on bedrest with all three and a cerclage with all of them. She too had miscarriages prior to the three kids. Another friend had triplets and she had a cerclage. She is the one who advised me to seek one, but after discussions with my high risk doctor, I decided against it.
Anyways, here is our story. Sorry its so long. I just copied it from our website which is www.alexander-gabriel-woodard.memory-of.com
OUR STORY

In March of 2006, my husband and I underwent a third round of IVF. We had three embryos implanted and two weeks later, we found out that we were having twins!! We were both very excited and looked forward to having three children (We had a daughter who was 10 months at that time). I began planning and thinking about things we would need. I arranged to obtain two cribs and a changing table from family. We obtained a rocking chair from my mother-in-law that was used for my husband. I began reading up on raising "twins" and the further we got in the pregnancy, the more excited we became. I was really looking forward to the day that I could sit and watch all three of our children playing together.
Things were going along very smooth. In June, we found out that both were boys. We were going to have our little girl and two boys. I went to my doctor every week to have my cervix measured. It looked so great that I got to skip a week right before this happened!
On July 26, 2006 at noon, I stood up from my desk at work and felt a large gush of fluid. Right away, I knew what had happened. Even though my water never broke with my daughter, I knew what it was. I immediately asked someone to drive me to the closest hospital with a good neonatal unit. I was only 19 weeks and 6 days, so I knew it was way too early to deliver them. I went to St. Joseph's in Pontiac, MI because I have a good friend who delivered triplets there at 30 weeks and they are healthy and beautiful two year olds today.
I was driven to the hospital where I was given antibiotics and some pills to stop the minor contractions that the monitor was picking up. Both boys still had strong heartbeats, but baby "A's" membranes had ruptured. We were told that even though they were in separate sacs, their fates were connected. We could not deliver one without delivering the other. The doctor told us that it was way too early and we should terminate the pregnancy. He stated that since St. Joseph was a catholic hospital, he could not do the procedure, so we should go to our own hospital (our own hospital and my doctor were about an hour away from my job; that is why we ended up at St. Joseph).
My husband and I were devastated! How could a doctor be so cold? He didn't have any compassion and seemed to want to get rid of us since we were not his patients.
We called my doctor who was on vacation at the time. She called us back (while on vacation!) and my husband talked to her for a half an hour. She was shocked that we were not given the opportunity to talk to a neonatologist and were told that I could just ride in the car to our hospital. She arranged for me to be transfered to our hospital (Hurley Medical Center in Flint, MI) via ambulance.
Upon arrival at Hurley, I was admitted and talked to a neonatologist and my primary doctor's partner. We were told that the chances of survival for Alexander (baby "A") were not good since the water broke so early. However, the neonatologist told us that he had seen miracles before. Gabriel (baby "B") was still doing great.
Our doctor said we had three choices: We could terminate and try again, we could wait two more weeks before making a decision at all (we did not need to decide anything until the 22nd week. After that point, the doctor's were obligated by law to use all lifesaving techniques), or we could just decide to ride it out and pray for the best.
Needless to say, there was never a question in our minds that we would do everything we could to bring these babies home with us. We decided to stay status quo for as long as possible and hope that infection would not set in. If it did, they would have to be delivered immediately because my health would be in jeopardy.
I spent almost 6 weeks in the hospital. Everyday, the nurses would come in and get heart tones and everything was going along great. They were both still growing and gaining weight. I had several ultrasounds and our hopes increased everyday. We were initially told that we needed to make it to 24 weeks to have a 50/50 chance. That date came and went and our new goal was 25 weeks. We got to 24 weeks and 5 days when I began to bleed profusely.
I had to undergo an emergency C-section. I had a placenta abruption and an infection that they did not discover until they opened me up. I was in really bad shape. I did not realize how bad until after the surgery.
Our boys were delivered on August 29, 2006. Both of them had immature lungs. Alexander fought a good fight for 10 hours and Gabriel hung in there for three days.
We were given the opportunity to hold both boys. Gabriel died in our arms after we took him off the ventilator. I wish we could have done that same thing with Alex, but hopefully he still heard us.
I will never understand why god did this to us. I try and tell myself that he had a reason and it will be revealed in time, but its so unbelievably difficult! Not only did he take them from their mommy and daddy, but he took them from their sister. She never had the opportunity to meet them or hold them. One day, we will tell her what happened and show her all of their things (when she's old enough to understand). I know that they are in heaven watching over all of us. I try and take comfort in the fact that atleast they are together.

As if what happened was not enough, I had complications from my c-section. Part of my incision never healed inside. A large section was re-opened and my poor husband had to stick a wet gauze pad inside of me twice a day. It was very painful. He does not have to do the gauze anymore, but the incision is still not completely closed and it has been 7 weeks now! I know in time, the pain will ease and it helps to know that I am not alone.

Take care. Please feel free to email me anytime.

Dear woodardk - I am so sorry for the loss of your boys. I recently lost my little girl and the pain is still unbearable some days.
I hope that you continue to visit us here on Share and know that we are here to offer our ears, hearts and voices to support you through this time. I have found a tremendous amount of understanding from the people who are here... I now keep a blog to help me work through my pain. There is also a folder in the Parent to Parent tab titled "Families who have lost a baby"; I encourage you to check it out. There are a lot of conversations there that might help you.
You and your family are in my prayers,
Becky

It has been a long time since I have written. Last August we lost our baby girl due to an incompetent cervix at just less than 23 weeks. I shared our story on the website and found reading other stories on the share site very helpful to our grief. I wrote back and forth with a few of you for a while and then fell quickly back into my daily routine. I still visited the site here and there to see how others were doing but did not feel like writing much. Well we are pregnant again and I just had a preventive cerclage placed last Tuesday at 13 weeks. Everything went well with the procedure but it was very hard to be back in the hospital where we lost Kailey. I had some light spotting and cramping for a day or two and then I felt for the most part ok and I will be starting the P17 shots at 16 weeks. The doctor said I would need to limit my activities at about 18 weeks (not as I am doing much of anything now) so I will have lots of time to pen pal and would love to hear from any of you. I know have many questions to ask others who had a cerclage placed and would like to share my experiences along the way with any one who might be thinking of getting one. Wish us luck!