Lost our Baby Girl 22w 6d - Incompetent Cervix

Becky,

Thanks for the welcome. It is much appreciated. I have a doctor's appointment today and plan on visiting this board with updates.

Love,

CC

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. No one can even begin to imagine the pain unless they have experienced it. I cannot tell you how to get over it as I am trying to figure that out for myself. I just seem to be getting worse. I opted not to have a cerclage as my doctor said its risky. She said studies had been done that showed it often caused infection because its foreign to the body. Instead, she monitored me weekly via vaginal ultrasound. My cervix never did open, so that was not our problem. No one knows why my water broke. I almost think I would feel better if I knew the reason so that I could take precautions if there is a next time for us. I have a friend who had an incompetent cervix and she now has three beautiful children. She was on bedrest with all three and a cerclage with all of them. She too had miscarriages prior to the three kids. Another friend had triplets and she had a cerclage. She is the one who advised me to seek one, but after discussions with my high risk doctor, I decided against it.
Anyways, here is our story. Sorry its so long. I just copied it from our website which is www.alexander-gabriel-woodard.memory-of.com
OUR STORY

In March of 2006, my husband and I underwent a third round of IVF. We had three embryos implanted and two weeks later, we found out that we were having twins!! We were both very excited and looked forward to having three children (We had a daughter who was 10 months at that time). I began planning and thinking about things we would need. I arranged to obtain two cribs and a changing table from family. We obtained a rocking chair from my mother-in-law that was used for my husband. I began reading up on raising "twins" and the further we got in the pregnancy, the more excited we became. I was really looking forward to the day that I could sit and watch all three of our children playing together.
Things were going along very smooth. In June, we found out that both were boys. We were going to have our little girl and two boys. I went to my doctor every week to have my cervix measured. It looked so great that I got to skip a week right before this happened!
On July 26, 2006 at noon, I stood up from my desk at work and felt a large gush of fluid. Right away, I knew what had happened. Even though my water never broke with my daughter, I knew what it was. I immediately asked someone to drive me to the closest hospital with a good neonatal unit. I was only 19 weeks and 6 days, so I knew it was way too early to deliver them. I went to St. Joseph's in Pontiac, MI because I have a good friend who delivered triplets there at 30 weeks and they are healthy and beautiful two year olds today.
I was driven to the hospital where I was given antibiotics and some pills to stop the minor contractions that the monitor was picking up. Both boys still had strong heartbeats, but baby "A's" membranes had ruptured. We were told that even though they were in separate sacs, their fates were connected. We could not deliver one without delivering the other. The doctor told us that it was way too early and we should terminate the pregnancy. He stated that since St. Joseph was a catholic hospital, he could not do the procedure, so we should go to our own hospital (our own hospital and my doctor were about an hour away from my job; that is why we ended up at St. Joseph).
My husband and I were devastated! How could a doctor be so cold? He didn't have any compassion and seemed to want to get rid of us since we were not his patients.
We called my doctor who was on vacation at the time. She called us back (while on vacation!) and my husband talked to her for a half an hour. She was shocked that we were not given the opportunity to talk to a neonatologist and were told that I could just ride in the car to our hospital. She arranged for me to be transfered to our hospital (Hurley Medical Center in Flint, MI) via ambulance.
Upon arrival at Hurley, I was admitted and talked to a neonatologist and my primary doctor's partner. We were told that the chances of survival for Alexander (baby "A") were not good since the water broke so early. However, the neonatologist told us that he had seen miracles before. Gabriel (baby "B") was still doing great.
Our doctor said we had three choices: We could terminate and try again, we could wait two more weeks before making a decision at all (we did not need to decide anything until the 22nd week. After that point, the doctor's were obligated by law to use all lifesaving techniques), or we could just decide to ride it out and pray for the best.
Needless to say, there was never a question in our minds that we would do everything we could to bring these babies home with us. We decided to stay status quo for as long as possible and hope that infection would not set in. If it did, they would have to be delivered immediately because my health would be in jeopardy.
I spent almost 6 weeks in the hospital. Everyday, the nurses would come in and get heart tones and everything was going along great. They were both still growing and gaining weight. I had several ultrasounds and our hopes increased everyday. We were initially told that we needed to make it to 24 weeks to have a 50/50 chance. That date came and went and our new goal was 25 weeks. We got to 24 weeks and 5 days when I began to bleed profusely.
I had to undergo an emergency C-section. I had a placenta abruption and an infection that they did not discover until they opened me up. I was in really bad shape. I did not realize how bad until after the surgery.
Our boys were delivered on August 29, 2006. Both of them had immature lungs. Alexander fought a good fight for 10 hours and Gabriel hung in there for three days.
We were given the opportunity to hold both boys. Gabriel died in our arms after we took him off the ventilator. I wish we could have done that same thing with Alex, but hopefully he still heard us.
I will never understand why god did this to us. I try and tell myself that he had a reason and it will be revealed in time, but its so unbelievably difficult! Not only did he take them from their mommy and daddy, but he took them from their sister. She never had the opportunity to meet them or hold them. One day, we will tell her what happened and show her all of their things (when she's old enough to understand). I know that they are in heaven watching over all of us. I try and take comfort in the fact that atleast they are together.

As if what happened was not enough, I had complications from my c-section. Part of my incision never healed inside. A large section was re-opened and my poor husband had to stick a wet gauze pad inside of me twice a day. It was very painful. He does not have to do the gauze anymore, but the incision is still not completely closed and it has been 7 weeks now! I know in time, the pain will ease and it helps to know that I am not alone.

Take care. Please feel free to email me anytime.

Dear woodardk - I am so sorry for the loss of your boys. I recently lost my little girl and the pain is still unbearable some days.
I hope that you continue to visit us here on Share and know that we are here to offer our ears, hearts and voices to support you through this time. I have found a tremendous amount of understanding from the people who are here... I now keep a blog to help me work through my pain. There is also a folder in the Parent to Parent tab titled "Families who have lost a baby"; I encourage you to check it out. There are a lot of conversations there that might help you.
You and your family are in my prayers,
Becky

It has been a long time since I have written. Last August we lost our baby girl due to an incompetent cervix at just less than 23 weeks. I shared our story on the website and found reading other stories on the share site very helpful to our grief. I wrote back and forth with a few of you for a while and then fell quickly back into my daily routine. I still visited the site here and there to see how others were doing but did not feel like writing much. Well we are pregnant again and I just had a preventive cerclage placed last Tuesday at 13 weeks. Everything went well with the procedure but it was very hard to be back in the hospital where we lost Kailey. I had some light spotting and cramping for a day or two and then I felt for the most part ok and I will be starting the P17 shots at 16 weeks. The doctor said I would need to limit my activities at about 18 weeks (not as I am doing much of anything now) so I will have lots of time to pen pal and would love to hear from any of you. I know have many questions to ask others who had a cerclage placed and would like to share my experiences along the way with any one who might be thinking of getting one. Wish us luck!