UGGGGHHH.

Jackie G
Sep 12, 2010 12:31pm (EST)

I am so sorry you are struggling with this. Finding out about a pregnancy when you've suffered a loss, is a double edged sword. You're angry, jealous, and guilty all at once. And I think it's totally normal.

I can't tell you what to do, but I would think sitting down to explain your feelings to them would be the best thing for everyone. They will know that your feelings aren't anger and you'll be able to stop pretending to be happy when there are times that you aren't. When I have something hard to say to someone I've found the best way to do it is just to jump off that cliff and go with it. If you take that first step off the edge, there is no turning back and you'll get it all off your chest. I truly think in the end, you'll feel better and they will too, because they won't wonder what you are really thinking.

hugs,
Jackie

stacyat
Sep 12, 2010 01:09pm (EST)

I'm so so sorry that you're having such a hard time! It would be nice if we could just be "normal" and be happy for those around us. But it's just so dang hard when seeing them get what you want the most just stabs you in the heart! It's not that you're wishing ill on them, it's just you want it so bad it hurts! Oh wow, I'm so sorry that you got blindsided like that in public, that had to have been so hard Maybe you could go and talk to your SIL. Tell her that you really are happy for them, but that it's hard for you because it reminds you of what you lost and what you want. I'm sure after talking with her, she will understand. I'll tell you, I held my 3 month old nephew a week and a half after losing my girls. The entire next day I was locked up in my room, it hurt. But after I had my pity party, it was actually nice holding my little nephew. It helped to somewhat fill my aching arms, and yes I so wished that he was mine but it was nice to have something/someone to hang onto that was blood. Only do it if you're comfortable, and if you're not just explain to them calmly why if they're wondering. Tons and tons of hugs coming your way.
Stacy

Angel Love
Sep 12, 2010 01:55pm (EST)

I'm so sorry that you had to find out in that way. I know that must've been extremely hard for you.

I think that I would just ask to come and sit down with them and explain your feelings. You can tell them that you are happy for them, but you just don't know how to show that happiness with all of the worries and memories in your own mind and heart. I'm sure they'll understand. At least then the ball is in their court.

Tracy

mytwinbabies
Sep 12, 2010 06:34pm (EST)

I am so sorry. Having people who don't understand why you feel the way you do makes situations like you had a million times worse. It isn't that you aren't happy for them, just that you were once that happy too and that is what you want to feel again....for yourself. I feel like all my friends are having babies and that I should be in that group because I was. It is just all so confusing and heartbreaking that our babies aren't here in our arms.
I hope that your brother and SIL show you compassion as they now understand what a miracle it is to conceive.

Hugs,
Kami

LibbyB
Sep 12, 2010 09:27pm (EST)

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's so complex the way us angel moms feel...especially when we've not been able to conceive after our loss. I guess I've been blessed with people in my life who really are sensitive to me in general.

You feel how you feel, and you can't help that. They can't really, really get it because they've never been through it. It's just hard.

I'm praying for you that you are able to conceive soon, and that you are able to find some peace.

Thinking of you,
Libby

lvazquez
Sep 14, 2010 12:43am (EST)

Hey girl!

Well, I was in this situation last year and it's ongoing. My sister was pregnant with her first last year and broke the news to meet in early Feb. '09. I was happy for her because she'd finally be a mom and I didn't have to feel sorry for her anymore. We haven't been really close in the last 10 years or so. I have to tell you that I didn't feel comfortable though being preggers at the same time. And then we lose our baby. Well, long story short, my family was really awful about it. Talk about NOT knowing how to deal with the loss themselves and for my parents, having a daughter who was currently pregnant expecting her first. It was kind of crazy. Well, my sis and I exchanged some words (terrible on her part) over e-mail and I haven't seen or talked to her since. the neice she had, I've never met her. My sis lives about a little over an hour away. You are probably closer to your brother than I am with my sibling. Perhaps they won't understand just how deep your pain is until they have their baby. Then and maybe just then they will think about what it must be like for you guys in losing Liam. I hope that's what has happened for my sister and my lame "bil." Unfortunately, my falling out with her went beyond just the subject of baby (again on her end). I agree with the other posts that because they haven't gone through this nightmare, they won't ever fully understand. I have held several babies since Naethyn. It's weird and I was happy when the parents arrived at pick-up time. I just want my own so badly too. You can't help how you feel. Hopefully your family can give you some slack. If not, always here to listen:)

Lindsay

liz loschinskey
Sep 15, 2010 12:27pm (EST)

Yo!!! Question for ya? What about Bella? You are blessed and don't even know it. As for hating yourself, wtf is that going to solve? Make you more depressed than you already are?, which in turn makes it harder to get pregnant.

You WILL hold babies again. I didn't go near my nephew for nearly a year, he was born in April, Mikey died first week of June. Guess who missed out? Not him.

Jealousy is a horrible thing that we all have. We merely need to keep it in check. If I were you, I would let this one blow over. A) You shouldn't have to explain your reaction to your brother of all people. It was an unexpected scenerio that no one had control over. I more than likely would have done the same thing.

Alot of people talk with their face without even speaking. I do that. For that matter, I do it without even noticing, then get bitched at for it later.

What did I tell you before Jennifer? You've got so much pressure on yourself, totally not healthy.

I hear what you are saying in this post loud and clear, unfortunatly. Horrible thing is, There is absolutely nothing I/you can do about it.

<3 Liz

liz loschinskey
Sep 15, 2010 12:28pm (EST)

FYI-I have no idea how that smiley face got put in my post.

I hit
b)

To post, please login or register.