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IF IT WAS ANYONE ELSE...
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Arnara
Apr 11, 2012 03:37am (EST)
Dear Lauren:
Your last paragraph touch me.... Rest assure that nothing prepares us for our angels. My angel was my second pregnancy, and my second premature labor. I should have know, I should, I was aware something was wrong but I kept quiet, believing my stupid OB that there was nothing to worry about.... I kept quiet knowing inside of my heart that something was not right...So what I learnt of my hard experience, no one really knows, you have to trust your guts, and don't keep quiet voice out all your concerns. That is what I try to tell every pregnant friend, don't keep quiet if you feel something is wrong. So you see, it is not your fault, and stop playing that game of the what ifs....
many hugs
Lorena
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lvazquez
Apr 11, 2012 02:04pm (EST)
Lauren, I am so glad that you were able to see your former OB last time. It must have been difficult to recall those details of your pregnancy with Akeelah. I am glad that you are monitoring your BPs carefully and have hubby as nurse to you.
Yup, your last paragraph touched me too. Oh Lauren, I had such a horrible transfer of care. I wish that I had any other doctor in the practice who would've paid more attention. I didn't. I too knew something was off and I didn't do one of the most easiest things which was to go to the hospital to be sure. One is supposed to get these things right. Three times the charm, correct?
It's hard to play the what ifs . . . don't. You are at such a healthy place in your heart/mind. It's easy to go back to those dark corners. I do it too every now and again. We'll always wonder and that's the part that hurts so much.
Go give that cutie Micah big hugs and kisses.
Thinking of you,
Lindsay
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Angel Love
Apr 11, 2012 10:24pm (EST)
What a sweet MFM!!! I'm going to miss him too!
There are so many things that run through our head when we're faced with the uncertain future. Know that I'm always praying!
Hugs to you!
Tracy
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Madisons mom
Apr 11, 2012 10:25pm (EST)
I hate that we cant be so naive anymore in one way but love that this time around we arent letting anyone just brush us off. We are in control and know when its time to fight for someone to listen. I swear I hate that I was such a mere mouse when I was pregnant with Maddie. I always knew something just wasnt right and I kept gettting the *you dont know what its like to be pregnant* answer.  I guess that wishing & wondering the what ifs will never go away.
Love you sweetie!!
xoxo
Jessica
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KHolley
Apr 11, 2012 11:24pm (EST)
I am glad that your old MFM made time to see you! That last paragraph gave me chills, hugs momma.
Katie
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meganstewart
Apr 12, 2012 01:16am (EST)
Lauren,
Avery was my second pregnancy and I didn't have anything that even seemed off when she died! I constantly feel that I should've known something or been able to do something differently, but it didn't happen that way. You just truly cannot know sometimes...and that's one of the suckiest parts of losing a child!
Love,
Megan.
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stacyat
Apr 12, 2012 03:05am (EST)
Dangit, it's our fault, we didn't do a no whammies!! So sorry that your BP spiked like that, hoping that your 24 hour catch comes out ok. Ugh, if only we knew then what we know now. What if what if what if. Hugs!
Stacy
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AandO
Apr 12, 2012 07:31pm (EST)
There is no escaping the 'what-ifs' or the wishes that things had been different. There's only learning from what we've been through and doing the best we can.
You're doing all that, always. I know you are.
Much love always,
Tommie
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