My Felix

gallosteph - 04:24pm Jun 4, 2012 EST

We found out that I was pregnant in Sept. 2011 with an estimated due date of May 15th. My pregnancy had went really well with no complictions until about the 37th week. I had been having decreased fetal movement and told my doctor wtih a stress test performed in office with good results. We didn't think anything about it, just thought maybe he was running out of room so his movement was less.
Then on May 12th, while I was at work, I decided to go to Labor and Delivery to be monitored again. I thought they would hook me up to the monitor for 20 mins then I could go back to my job in the ER. I showed up and saw a nurse that I knew. She was attempting to hook me up to the monitor, but couldn't find his heartbeat. Then they brought the ultrasound machine in the room and I saw it before anyone said a word. I could see my baby's profile with an empty chest, there was no heartbeat. I was completely crushed.
After I delivered the room was so silent. It's the worse silence I have ever heard. Felix Edward was born on May 13th @ 0921 (Mother's Day), 9lbs 3 oz 22 inches long and so beautiful. Felix was my 2nd child. I have a perfectly healthy daughter that is now 4 years old, Ellie. It's been 3 weeks and I know it will get easier, but I it's really hard right now. I hate to see the sadness in my daughter's eyes.