New Mommy to twin boys in heaven

myKboys - 06:22am Nov 7, 2011 EST

Hello.. My name is Amy. I was pregnant with twin boys and having a perfectly normal and healthy pregnancy until one day my water broke while I was at home and only 22wks. I was admitted to the hospital and immediately started on iv antibiotics and magnesium sulfate to prevent labor. The doctor told me I would remain in the hospital and unable to get out of bed for anything until I had them. He was hoping for me to make it to at least 28 weeks before having them.. I was SO miserable, uncomfortable and terrified. I knew it was to early for them to arrive but it was totally out of my control. At 24 weeks and 2 days, on Sept 13th around 8 that morning I started having severe contractions, much more severe than the ones I had been having and they were becoming much closer together. They checked my mag level to make sure it couldnt be increased and gave me a shot to stop the contractions but it didnt work this time like it had been through my stay.. The nurse immediately called the doctor to notify him of the changes.. At 4:40 when the Dr came in to check he said it was time to go to the OR that one of the babies was in distress. They rushed me to the OR and at 5:02pm both boys were born. Kohen, baby A weighed 1 pound 6 ounces and was 12.5 inches long. Kagen baby B weighed 1 pound 3 ounces and was 12 inches long. Kohen made a little noise but not Kagen. They were intubated and taken immediately to the NICU. On the morning of day 2 the nurse and my husband came in and told me I needed to go up to the NICU that one of the babies wasnt doing good. The doctors told us they didnt think Kagen would make it through the hour. I had a motherly instinct and a peace about me that I knew they were wrong and he would show them.. He did! And that very afternoon they told us he was doing exceptionally better! They tried to prepare us for this emotional NICU rollercoaster that they said 24 weekers will give us. Although there is no way of preparing for this.. They both continued to do good and on their one week birthday we were told this was a huge milestone for them. We were so happy they were both doing as well as was to be expected considering their gestation. Kagen started having problems on day 9 with his kidneys and his urine output was decreasing until it stopped and the meds werent working to help them. They told us that night they didnt expect him to make it through the night. Well he did. He looked some better the next morning but still very sick. On day 11 he started struggling even more.. We knew it was not good. The dr told us he was certain he wouldnt recover from this.. And this time he didnt, He fought and fought for hours on his own and made us even prouder than we already were of him. My husband and I held him for the first and last time. We held him till he passed. We were unaware at the time (their incubators were not together) but his brother Kohen (that had gave us no scares yet) had became distressed for the first time and his heart rate increased and he became agitated while his brother was dying. I will always believe he knew he was leaving us. After Kagen passed Kohen became calm again and rested. We buried Kagen 3 days later that morning, on the 14th day for Kohen. This was the hardest thing to do, but we had to be strong we still had one to take care of and that deserved our best.. Little did we know, after returning to the hospital after burying Kagen, Kohen was struggling now.. he fought for over an hour and a half with us holding him for the first time and tried so hard to keep taking his own breaths, but his littel heart couldnt keep up. Once again, I believe he knew his brother was gone and he couldnt be without him. We were in disbelief and shock that this could be and was happening, yet again.. We didnt even begin to understand why we had came this far and was still going to lose them both. We buried kohen 2 days later. When I thought leaving the hospital and coming home without them was the hardest thing, little did I know I would be burying them which was much harder. Through this whole experience my husband and I have grown closer and turned to each other, our family and mostly to God to get us through this horrible storm we have went through and continue to go through each day. We both are terrified of this happening again but want so much to have a family. We were so happy to be having a family and having our 2 boys to love. We love them more than words can describe and think of them every minute of every day and miss them terribly. Thanks for allowing me to share my story. I hope to find some encouragement and hope for the future on this website. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.